I cannot be the only one with this experience. There’s just no way. I lost my job, along with seemingly the whole world, in March last year. And throughout this past apocalypse, the company I worked for would reach out every couple of months to “check in”, and see “how I’m doing”, and informally gage my interest in coming back to work once the sky was no longer falling.

In the last few days, I was told that my position was listed on Indeed, and that I would need to reapply for my job, mainly as a formality. Not…

Disclaimer: the chickens were treated extremely well — all of this is purely accidental and completely true.

Those fucking birds.

Listen. I loved working on a ranch. The air was clean, there were horses and dogs and mini ponies and rats. There were also chickens, which were adorable and terrifying all at once. We started with around four, raised them from chicks, and so we just continued getting more! We had so much fun running around in their pen, finding out how to feed them and care for them.

No. That’s a lie. My manager was a bona fide chicken mother, but I had no idea what I was doing. They were weird, and creepy, they smelled…

Sometimes, normal, well-balanced people are driven to the brink of madness. When the same bullshit happens everyday, with no consequences, even the sanest of people can be pushed into lashing out. Which means there was literally no hope for a crazy person like me to stay non-reactionary. I had a “coworker” who worked at most two hours a day (out of four), left early, called in sick, tried to get me in trouble, everything. I know everyone says, “it’s not just me” but it genuinely wasn’t. This is the type of man to question whether women actually need maternity…

What a Charmer

If the pandemic has given me anything, it’s an inordinate amount of time that can be spent swiping through dating apps, which has led me to notice certain patterns and habits that deserve further shaming. So let’s dive in.

  1. If You “Like” Me and We Match, You’re Not Allowed to Not Say Anything

This isn’t something that so much pisses me off, it just doesn’t make sense? The whole point of liking someone’s profile is to like them and hopefully match with them. When that happens, radio silence doesn’t lead to anything so why like them in the first place…

I am proud of my degree. And I am proud of the work experience I have that brought me to the job I held in 2020…before coronavirus came and took a giant shit all over everything. Other than part time accounting for small companies here and there, I’ve had to start tutoring to make it through quarantine and unemployment until I can go back to my job in trade shows and events. Unfortunately, this is a terrible job to have if you hate kids.

Me, for the past 5 months

Some of them are cool, and I can’t imagine having…


Southern California Millennial; Awkward but very Aware of it; Chaotic Neutral Energy

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