Unless it’s my version of one — The original social contract basically states that we will not break certain behaviors and moral codes for all who participate in and reap the benefits of society. But how does that work in a world full of anger and disdain? How does that work in a world full of anxiety…

We know…Everyone knows… — Dear Matching Mustaches, You two are not hiding anything at all. To the groom, your first mistake was choosing your lover to be in your bridal party at all. To the best man, your first mistake was agreeing to do so. The second big mistake was bursting into tears as…

Or How Words Mean Nothing — What I thought was an informal introduction instead was a formal business review for which I was required to set up a presentation with a five-year snapshot, multiple graphs, pictures, and a breakdown of shipment times for each order that came through…

Well, more like half-morons since it was a half-marathon…but the point stands. — My roommate is drunkenly attempting finger curls for a Great Gatsby party while I suffer the ill effects of Montezuma’s Revenge after my Christmas escape to Mexico when she texts me the registration website for a half marathon. It was New Year’s Eve, a day synonymous with fantastic decision-making, so…

Unfortunately, diabetics are going to die anyways, so technically, I’m not killing them. By stealing their medicine, I’m merely doing the equivalent of cutting off their foot, which is bound to fall off at some point. And what has the diabetic community ever done for me? So far, the only…

But in a really nice, likeable way… — For once, this is not about me issuing unsolicited and profanity-laden advice. I am officially less than a month away from my first half marathon and losing my mind with the person I registered with. I love the idea of doing a half marathon and challenging myself, and I love…

To My Friends: When Have I Been Wrong? Like Actually? — It isn’t enough that some people are constantly coming to you and asking for advice regarding their problems, their relationships, and their problems with their relationships. They have to take it a step further and ignore the advice that you gave them for an entirely avoidable and fixable problem. It…

And me…the one that’s judging you all. — The Woman Rep: Constantly talks about the fact that she’s a woman in a male-dominated industry… conveniently forgets that every industry is male-dominated. Highly ambitious and surprisingly helpful, but hard to decide if she’s actually likable or not. Clearly majored in steering conversations with or about other people to be…

In Defense of Hoarding — Even for someone who wisely hasn’t spoken to her own in years, mothers can continue to fuck with our lives from afar. Recently, being reminded of maternal toxicity, I decided to tell another “funny” motherhood story. …